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I hate agency!
By dan
12/3/2006 8:32:44 PM
Sometimes I think that Satan's plan would have been the better route! I hate having to choose. My body craves porn but my spirit craves repentance and...."the spirit". I want both but I can't have both. I have to choose but I don't want to. I want God to choose for me but I know he won't.....or can't. Maybe he wants to but just can't. Who knows.

It's such a paradox. Sometimes I think of that scripture that says you won't be tempted beyond your ability to resist and I think "Yeah, right"! I'm tempted above my ability to resist ALL THE TIME!

So what do you during these difficult moments? I talked about this in the Thursday meeting. I feel like I'm in purgatory. During the worst of my addiction I wouldn't even think about resisting. I would just act out, feel guilty, and then get motivated to try harder the next time around. The cycle would repeat itself over and over. Well, now I'm committed to do the right thing but I'm finding it extremely difficult to choose. I WANT BOTH and don't want to have to choose. I guess this is just a withdrawal pain. My only hope is that it will get less and less.

I pray every day to lose the desire for porn but I haven't felt it yet. I have to admit that on some days I truly feel free of it. But for the majority of the time I just feel like I'm being crushed with temptation and the only relief in site is to just act out and "get it over with". Sometimes I feel like I'd rather go back to dealing with the guilt than the freaking temptation! I just hate it.

Ok, I've vented. I feel a little better already.

Comments:

Wow! That was a fast answer!    
"I just got through venting and as soon as I posted it, a new quote popped up on the website. It was kind of just what I needed to hear. I think I'm a little impatient with my addiction. I keep forgetting that it took me 10 years to get into it and I can't expect to get out of it with a quick 1, 2, 3 recovery effort.

"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "— Russell M. NelsonGeneral Conference, October 1988"
posted at 20:37:39 on December 3, 2006 by dan
Your spirit loves agency, too    
"I feel your pain, brother!
It's tough to feel like the fight is worth it sometimes. It is easy to doubt your own ability to overcome the temptations you face.
Remember that before this life you chose the plan of agency. Virtue and peace are what you really want.
I would recommend bearing testimony of things you know either to yourself or to others when you feel tempted. It will help you remember not only the love that God has for your, but also the love that you have for God.
Take each moment of temptation as its own temptation, not one huge temptation that seems neverending (for it does, sometimes!)
We're praying for you. You will make it. Keep getting stronger! :)"
posted at 16:06:48 on May 9, 2010 by Anonymous
Wow, Anonymous,    
"You're really digging back in the archives!"
posted at 17:15:33 on May 9, 2010 by BeClean
Not tempted above that which we are able to resist...    
"after reading your comment while I was praying/pondering, I had a thought come to me. First of all read the full scripture, its really enlightening..."There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." First of all it says that you have had no temptation that IS NOT COMMON TO MAN. You are not alone there are many of us who all struggle with the same thing and as the scripture suggests God is faithful, faithful to us! What a great statement, what an honor to have God be faithful to us. Later the scripture says that we wont be tempted above what we are able to bear and that God will also give us a way out of the temptation...that is what we must find, God will give it to us but we must be willing to seek it out. One of my distinct impressions goes back to one of the basic principles of this program...that being that we are powerless to overcome these temptations and addictions ALONE...I think something our Father in Heaven is trying to tell us is that when we surrender to him and realize that we really are powerless and that any power we receive to overcome our problems comes from him that we will not come across a temptation that we cant handle...I hope all that made sense...Here is the other scripture that I think wraps up my whole idea...
Mark 10:27
"And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible."
if we rely on just ourselves it is impossible for us to overcome our weaknesses, but if we recognize that we are powerless without God I believe that he will endow us with power from on high to overcome any obstacle that might come in our way, and thus: all things are possible with God, and therefore we will never be tempted above that which we are able as long as we always trust in our Father in Heaven."
posted at 02:40:57 on September 9, 2010 by trust


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"[The Savior] is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.""

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