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Back at day one after day 5
By Chiswright
8/29/2012 7:52:40 PM
I am 15, new to this site, and a boy. My dad is the bishop, and I met with him about 3 months into my addiction, (I am almost a year into my addiction of M) I don't M the normal way, I M by pressing against my [you know what] with a bed or something of that sort until climax. I just lost it, and that's why I'm here now. I was on day 5, which is the farthest I've gotten in a long time. (I used to M about every day or 2)

How I get to M'ing is to be looking at something already on my iPod on the internet (btw I don't have my family's Internet on my iPod touch, I use my neighbor's on an open network), I have a lock against safari and YouTube on my iPod, but I know the password, I just think I'll be lazy and not want to enter the password, which usually works unless I am already looking at something on there, like today I was looking at ukulele chords and that weird tempation wave came over me and the next thing I knew, I was looking at dirty erotic videos on YouTube (i have only looked at p0rn once or twice on purpose, it makes me feel akward to look at it, but this is only still pictures) that usually does it, I go over to the corner Of my bed and you know...

Btw I've written this blog before with way better detail that got deleted, so I'm not putting everything into this one, I will write something else in the replies if you guys bring something up. Also, I have a sister and a brother, both littler than me, and my dad is the only other one on this earth who knows I have this problem, and I'm pretty sure he's thought I quit already. I read my scriptures every night, and go to seminary every morning. I dont know if I should stop taking the sacrament if I'm only a year in, please help me...I'm afraid this will become even more than the addiction it is already...

Comments:

Plugging Holes    
"Thank you for joining us! I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to ask for help. You are very well spoken.

One thing that I noticed in what you shared is you aren't giving up things that facilitate your addiction. If you are accessing on Youtube then you need to give youtube up. If you are accessing on your neighbors network then you need to have your Dad (if it's feasible) as your neighbors to password protect their network or repassword your iPod. You have to plug all avenues in which you use ... because you've been using for so long the judgment center in your brain is impaired and you can't make those decisions... your addict will take over and you will lose every time...

As addicts we get stuck in this pit of thinking we can be strong enough - that we HAVE to be strong enough to do it on our own to prove to our Father in Heaven that we are worthy or good enough. That is a lie. Heavenly Father wants us to be submissive as a little child, easy to entreat (follow and teach) and willing to do whatever it takes.

I'd start be being honest with your yourself, and then your Dad.:-)"
posted at 00:56:20 on August 30, 2012 by siouxsie
thanks    
"thanks to you guys, im sure i can get over this addiction, both with heavenly father and the help of others. i have recently reset my ipod passcodes, so that i dont know them. even if i do get on wifi, i now cant get on the internet. i had another question, should i stop taking the sacrament for a while, until i start to get better at handling it? (i have never been to an AR meeting by the way)"
posted at 17:30:58 on August 31, 2012 by chiswright
Sacrament    
"My Bishop says we should not take the sacrament if covenants have been broken or if we feel unworthy to do so. It is a personal decision that should involve counseling with the Lord and with your Bishop if necessary. GREAT job on getting all your passwords taken care of and the wifi!! So proud of you!"
posted at 23:35:24 on August 31, 2012 by siouxsie
Great Work    
"You had my same question and I will take it to the Lord in prayer. I am glad to be working with someone else who is also day 1."
posted at 02:26:10 on September 1, 2012 by Anonymous
making the right choice    
"im still debating whether to take the sacrament or not, ive prayed about it, but since the spirit isnt with me because of this problem i havent been able to get a very clear answer. do you feel less temptation or is it harder to succome to the temptation if i do decide to let go the sacrament this week? also, thanks for all of u guys' responses"
posted at 11:03:37 on September 1, 2012 by chiswright
Light of Christ versus the Spirit    
"I think you don't give yourself enough credit. Listen to the Light of Christ even if the holy ghost has receded. You still know right from wrong and I think going to your judge of Israel (Bishop) who also happens to be Dad is a good idea.

Chris you are a child of God. He will not abandon you, continue to pray and counsel until you are walking with a confidence in the Lord."
posted at 23:04:33 on September 1, 2012 by Anonymous
my opinion    
"Are you WILLING / wanting to repent and live a pure life?

Personally, if I feel the answer to that question is yes, then I take the sacrament, unless I have been directed otherwise by my what church leaders. If I feel the answer to that question is no, not right now, I'd really rather sin again and procrastinate repentance, then I definitely don't take the sacrament.

Funny thing, if that's my mind set, I'm not certain it really matters whether I take the Sacrament or not. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Best get rid of that mindset and take the sacrament."
posted at 23:17:57 on September 1, 2012 by beclean
The Spirit    
"I agree with the comment above by one of the anon's... the Spirit may have receded yes, but He will still prompt you and help you if the desire of your heart is in the right place. The Lord does not abandon us in our darkness. He does not say "oh you have to step this much toward the light before I will allow my Spirit with you"... all we have to do is reach and He is there. If you pray and sincerely ask the Spirit can guide you. Also, it may be that the Lord is waiting for YOU to make the decision:-)"
posted at 00:16:03 on September 2, 2012 by siouxsie
Thank you all so much :D    
"first off, i want to say that all of you guys are awesome for helping me and answering my questions. i will pray and try to listen to the spirit while i read my scriptures tonight. ill put another comment on this blog tomorrow to say whether i took the sacrament or not. btw, im starting this new month out clean, and i am trying to go the whole month without slipping up. (this is the month of my birthday after all XD) i know this kind of late to be asking this also, since im fasting tomorrow, but is it ok to fast for help, even though thats kind of selfish since the only one it benifits is you? again, thank you all. you guys always make me smile and feel the spirit when i read your posts to help me."
posted at 00:41:03 on September 2, 2012 by chiswright
Ouch! Your dad is the bishop.    
"That's gotta be rough!"
posted at 17:13:59 on September 2, 2012 by g1rlie
my dads the bishop    
"yeah, in a way that is harder because if it was a normal bishop i kind of wouldnt have felt so...cornered. (for lack of a better word) it also made it hard when he would ask me every once and a while how my recovery was going, and i didnt want to let him down, so of course i lied...espesically because he was a brand new bishop at the time, and i didnt want him to feel like he was already failing..."
posted at 17:27:45 on September 2, 2012 by chiswright
Fasting    
"I hope you did fast for help with your addiction. It is NOT selfish - actually completely opposite. We are taught that as we give up earthly needs/wants we begin to let our spirit be in charge of our bodies and not the opposite. Fasting to rid yourself of your addiction is a BRILLIANT plan, and it blesses you, your family, your bishop, your ward, and all of your future family and posterity. I think when we fast we refocus on what matters most.

Good luck , you are pursuing the right path."
posted at 18:44:29 on September 2, 2012 by 4intow
Fasting #2    
"I'm with 4INTOW... Fasting is definitely not selfish. You can also call and put your name on the Temple roles. It shows your humility and desire to do better. So proud of you!"
posted at 21:05:34 on September 2, 2012 by siouxsie


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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004