Print
Last night...
By g1rlie
9/4/2012 7:34:48 AM
Greg and I emailed each other throughout the night. He still wants to, um, "act out" with me. I told him my heart would die if I did anything further with him.

But this has made me realize the danger of electronics when I am bored or lonely. Gotta come up with a plan to combat this. Maybe my husband should put monitoring software on my cell phone and on my computer. I hate the thought of this. But a man in my SA face-to-face group said he needed these kinds of constraints.

EEK! This is a scary thing to think about. Monitoring software.

I also told management and the union at my work to please not allow Greg in the building during or close to during my shift. Greg is friends with my current manager, so I feel this is a realistic danger. I informed these parties that I told Greg to stay away. I feel physical barriers are very important in this situation. He must not come near me or I'm scared I'll wind up "acting out" with him in the parking lot. A very bad idea, indeed. And a man in SA told me that I am like a bar and the bar can't help it. The alcoholics will come to the bar. And Greg, most definitely, is a sexaholic. :/

Told my husband that I need more sex. He has been very accommodating and has helped me with this almost every day. Feels like it's not enough, though. But in SA, one man said that I just have to give it time. He said sex without lust takes some getting used to.

I realized that I didn't do my dailies yesterday. Maybe I wouldn't have exchanged emails if I'd done my dailies. I dunno. I guess I gotta figure out more solutions. Gotta find more tools to put in my own sobriety toolkit. :/

Comments:

A therapist perhaps...    
"for your tool kit? It may help."
posted at 11:40:18 on September 4, 2012 by Anonymous
Need more sex? I wish that would do it    
"As many of us have experienced, more sex with your spouse will NOT satisfy your lust.

In my personal experience (though your experience could be different), I didn't need more sex to overcome lust, I needed a real relationship with my Savior and another real relationship with my spouse. Sex is an important PART of the relationship with a spouse, but it alone will not remove or satisfy lust.

In fact, it's possible that increasing sex with your spouse (while thinking it will satisfy your lust) will backfire. You will be telling yourself, "I have a lust need, and I'm trying to fill it. It's OK to try to fill my needs."

The problem is, sex with your spouse will never satisfy that lust "need" for two reasons.
1) Lust, in my opinion, cannot be satisfied
2) Sex with your spouse probably lacks the exciting, lustful feeling because it is sacred, sanctioned, and OK (so it will never feel like it's hitting that "naughty" mark Satan has made you accustomed to)

So, by subliminally telling ourselves that it is OK to satisfy lust with our spouse, but by not being able to satisfy that lust, we will be increasing the lust and the temptation to act out. Which, by the way, also doesn't satisfy the lust, since acting out also just makes things worse.

Lust, I believe, must be eliminated, and that is the impossible feat. But with God, nothing is impossible. Alone, we are powerless. We need that relationship with Him, and we also need a sacred, loving, supportive relationship with our spouses.

Selfish lust is Lucifer's attractive FAKE. Unselfish, self-sacrificing love (between us and God and between us and our spouse) is the real joy."
posted at 13:02:21 on September 4, 2012 by BeClean
Replies    
"@Anonymous--Yeah, working on that.

@Beclean--Yeah, sex with my husband doesn't satisfy that need. It feels nice, but I still feel hungry. There isn't lust there. Not sure how to handle that. I'm trying to fill the hole lust has filled with a suitable substitute. And I do believe God is that substitute. It's just hard and I still struggle daily. Thank you for your viewpoint. :) Hell, yeah! I believe you're right that lust cannot be satisfied. It's a hunger that is Never satisfied. Argh! o_0"
posted at 13:09:26 on September 4, 2012 by g1rlie
Ugh! 90 days????    
"HELP!!!! (says my addict)"
posted at 18:46:12 on September 4, 2012 by g1rlie
Real sex!    
"As I learned how to have real sex the one our Heavenly Father created us to have. Mind blowing, emotionally connecting, a oneness sanctified by marital covenants........as I recovered and my marriage recovered, my spouse recovered......I realized the big fat lie Satan is selling the world. Sex centered around lust instead of what our Father in Heaven created us for, sex centered around love. I KNOW the fight is worth it. Stay in the battle, stay on your knees, get help as you are guided by the spirit. Your Heavenly Father will not leave your corner as long as you keep him with you in the fight. Christ is the most powerful, He is just waiting for you to wave the white flag and call him to your side in prayer. Then marvel and give thanks.

I personally believe that sex in your marriage is healing. I had to set strong boundaries for recovery. Only with a light, candle works. continual eye contact, ( keeps you in the present and helps reprogram the brain) If you close your eyes stop. No objectifying, talking about body parts. Only loving comments.....I love you, you are a good husband, I am glad you married me, you make me feel loved..... It was uncomfortable at first, difficult, but well worth the effort. "
posted at 19:23:49 on September 4, 2012 by Hero
Eye opening    
"This conversation has been eye opening for me - thanks everyone for your comments. I actually have no advice or words of encouragement here on this topic because I struggle like crazy to figure out what healthy intimacy is. I have little hope that I will discover it on this earth,"
posted at 22:31:32 on September 4, 2012 by siouxsie
Why wont this parasite leave you alone???    
"Fffffu! I want to fight this man. I want to choke him out. I want to hurt him. I want to make him cry. I want to emasculate him. I want him to beg for mercy. And worst of all...he is me (that's how I know what a weak pathetic Gollum he is). Stay away from him. He doesn't give shit if your heart dies."
posted at 00:27:36 on September 5, 2012 by they_Speak
.    
"@Hero--Wow. So non-lust sex CAN be mind blowing? I am looking forward to that :) Right now, it's just sort of flustrating. But it feels good--the connection. Thanks for telling me about this :) It gives me hope for good sex without lust. Yay! :)

@They Speak--Well, I figure Greg is the way he is because he is broken like the rest of us. He is a sick person. And he knows I am weak for him. Unfortunately, he knows that all he has to do is come near me and he Will get some. So maybe if I see him I should run like hell. I don't go near him since he lives 1200 miles away. Yay! Yeah, I figure he doesn't care about my heart or my family or anything at all about me. I've come to realize that he doesn't really care about me, just what I can do for him. Boo."
posted at 09:07:21 on September 5, 2012 by g1rlie
You're a smart gal Girlie    
"He is broken. It's good you can view it with such compassion and understanding. Just don't let it fool you into saving him or giving him an inch. Let him drown in his bloody brokenness. It's the most compassionate thing you can do for him, for you, for your family, and for the Savior :) Hugs n loves n all that junk."
posted at 11:33:42 on September 5, 2012 by they_speak
@They Speak    
"Yeah, I think Greg goes under the category of "Things I cannot change". And he's waaaaaaaaay too dangerous for me to even try. I think you're right about everything, it would be the best thing for me to run for the hills away from Greg. Thanks :)"
posted at 12:51:03 on September 5, 2012 by g1rlie
Go and sin no more.    
"Saw this video on the Church website. It's called Go and Sin No More. It's about the woman taken in adultery. It is BEAUTIFUL! Watch it. Jesus shows such compassion for the sinner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5GXnM_TxSQ&feature=player_embedded"
posted at 13:26:49 on September 5, 2012 by Anonymous


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball