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My addict is trying to kill me
By g1rlie
10/9/2012 2:11:45 PM
He still wants to act out with me. Greg. Yeah,I hit the bottom. But apparently, there was a pickaxe down there for my addict to dig an even deeper bottom. I just want to die. Keep taking too many sleeping pills. But that wouldn't solve anything. I'd still be stuck with myself.

Listened to a documentary last night on distressing Near Death Experiences. I may have had one of those once. Wound up under a dump truck on my way to work one night years sgo. Don't know how. Maybe I blacked out. I thought I died. I saw only blackness. But I had consciousness. I thought, "Am I dead?" Then I saw two people. Although I wasn't married yet, nor did I have children, I knew these to be my children. Someone told me I wasn't dead, but I'd better clean up my act for my children. At the time, I was acting out with my now husband. I never did stop acting out with him until we were married. Then I saw blackness. Then, I finally woke up in my body. I heard people all around me. I couldn't quit back then for my children. Since then, I've learned that the person I need to quit for is me. Because at the end of the day, I am the only person stuck with myself.

In the mean time, my addict is trying to kill me......

Comments:

you have my smile + encouragement    
"K.I.T.....= keep it together
at day 0...oops. i try again"
posted at 21:57:03 on October 10, 2012 by skyteamst90


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"If, through our unrighteous choices, we have lost our footing on that path, we must remember the agency we were given, agency we may choose to exercise again. I speak especially to those overcome by the thick darkness of addiction. If you have fallen into destructive, addictive behaviors, you may feel that you are spiritually in a black hole. As with the real black holes in space, it may seem all but impossible for light to penetrate to where you are. How do you escape? I testify the only way is through the very agency you exercised so valiantly in your premortal life, the agency that the adversary cannot take away without your yielding it to him. "

— Robert D. Hales

General Conference, April 2006