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So long for a while
By moronidenovo
10/10/2012 9:05:37 PM
Hello everyone. Life has been strange since my addiction started last summer, 2011. I almost never went to church, because I felt guilty about my unworthiness. So, by not going to church, I became weaker. As I became weaker, the addiction grew stronger. This ladies and gentlemen, is a recipe for failure. If you are battling something, you need church more than ever!! I regret not going to church so much. I love the gospel, its awesome. Makes me feel good. Gives me purpose. It feels right. And not going to church just because I looked at porn was so stupid. I bet my bishop could've helped me so much. The fear of judgment is so strong in our church, it truly is the downfall for many of us. That certainly was mine. And I always made excuses for myself. Regrets..

So, i never really post about myself much and i felt i should at least give you guys an update before i head off. Its called "An Update before my Break" I'm taking a break from this site for a while. I've realized I'm not doing enough. I had a big wake up call when Pres. Monson said the missionary age is lowered to 18. I turned 18 last April, and this made me realize I'm stupid. I have been spending too much NOT doing what i should be doing. I was shocked, I felt like I was being judged right now. And I'm not happy with myself, with what I've accomplished. I'm not a person I can say I'm proud of. I've been distracting myself in order to avoid reality. My reality is I'm not good enough for the Lord. I'm not good enough to serve a mission. I dont deserve it. I've spent more time on this site in the past year, than I have reading the scriptures the past two years. That's pathetic. I used to think this site helped remind me that my addiction is real, but I can't see myself progressing here right now. I need to buckle down.

I know when I first came to this site, the individual stories that people have on here were a huge help to me. I honestly could not fathom that other Mormons struggled with porn. I thought I was a weird strange kid who didn't deserve to serve the sacrament. But coming here and reading very identical stories, made me realize we're not all perfect. My life is not some freak story. I dont know, even if I go back now and read many journals/blogs, I tear up. There are great people out there. Probably the saddest thing to see is that you dont know what happens to them. They disappear, their progress and life frozen in our eyes. I don't want to do that, but I do feel I need a break.

Thank you, everyone. Even the mean ones, it toughened me up a little bit. Thank you Derek for creating this site. A collection of stories of people struggles on a taboo subject has helped me sooooooo much. I know I should be able to to talk to my parents or bishop, but at that time, I felt isolated. I couldn't, and reading here was amazing. thanks BeClean, IAmStrong, Ette, Mike81, JJA1234, Anon16 and They_Speak for being there to discuss and comfort me. Also a past members i liked was Zero, if felt i could feel what he felt. Oh and the Anonymous crow lol. Many emotional stories on here. I might have missed some, but those are quick ones I could remember.

For a while, goodbye. I'll be back.

"Effective immediately, all worthy and able young men who have graduated from high school or its equivalent, regardless of where they live, will have the option of being recommended for missionary service beginning at the age of 18, instead of age 19" - President Monson

Comments:

dont give up dude    
"keep at it...its ok to visit...
if you hv to regroup...do that...but theres strength in numbers"
posted at 21:54:07 on October 10, 2012 by skyteamst90
wow    
"Best post from you on this site thusfar!! Thank you and good luck on your mission. You'll do great."
posted at 22:14:10 on October 10, 2012 by asdfjkl1234
Yay    
"You are going on a mission? For Cool :)

Hey, before being too hard on yourself, I betcha more people than you might think at church probably suffer from addiction issues. So there. :)"
posted at 07:54:00 on October 11, 2012 by g1rlie
Yay    
"You are going on a mission? For Cool :)

Hey, before being too hard on yourself, I betcha more people than you might think at church probably suffer from addiction issues. So there. :)"
posted at 07:54:59 on October 11, 2012 by g1rlie
Hey bruh    
"I peaced out for a few months. I noticed somewhere before I left you asked about my blog. I deleted it and started just keeping my journal on my computer so don't worry about it. I may set one up again. I'll let you know if I do. God speed player.

P.s. If I don't see you before you leave on your mission remember, Luke 7:39-50. Let your trials and how rad the Savoir is fill you with love. Do this and you will be the missionary you want to be. You already are. Latter gator."
posted at 18:57:42 on January 15, 2013 by they_speak
I know how you feel    
"It's never too late you just need a bit of courage and the lord will do the rest.
you are not stupid but as everyone else we make mistake

You are a great person
All the best"
posted at 14:24:06 on January 16, 2013 by mike81


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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004