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Recovery and dating
By mike81
11/19/2012 3:07:29 PM
Hello Everyone,

I wanted to bring this topic today, I did in the past but I think my view on the problem change a little bit

I made many progress over the last 18 months, altough I had a couple setbacks and slips in between. Clean day aree getting more and more in each month.

Now for the first time in my life I just started to date someone good, right, the first that I didnt met online before and actually she is the first one I date while I'm in recovery.

My question is there any hope that she or another will accpet the way I'm
I relized in my recovery process there is still a big problem, I have some big fear and I need to work on them.

I know that I'm not perfect, but I'm working very hard to become the man should be.

My first problem I don't think I can completely love myself and that's why I fear that no one whould accept me.
I also fear I will always slip and never get a long lasting sobriety.

Do you have any feedback, experience or comments?

I'm also working to prepare myself to enter to the temple in january, it is a big and important challenge and I havant been in the temple since a very long time.

Thanks a lot for your support

Your friend from europe

Comments:

Lessons learned    
"Hey Mike,
Congrats on your recent progress. I was in your shoes not long ago - the main thing I learned is to be honest!
Be open and 100% honest with the person you are dating. You can pray about when to talk about it, but it needs to be brought up, especially since it's been a significant problem for a while and you still have alot of road to walk. They have a right to know what you are going through and the right to choose whether they feel they can support you as you work through it. She needs to know you are struggling with it. She needs to know how you are doing.

answers to your question:
fearing that no one can love or accept you - that is obviously false. This girl you are dating can love and accept you, but you have to be doing everything you can to improve and be honest with her about things. Don't hide things. Keep her on your team. Do more than you've ever done to recover. Now is the time to put forth the effort necessary. Reach out to God like you never have before. Good luck!"
posted at 15:17:33 on November 19, 2012 by recovery.gdo
She can love you and accept you    
"My husband was addicted to porn. It was definitely a disappointing discovery. Then, I realized my husband isn't perfect, but I am not either. I know God loves me, anyway. And he also lives my husband.

No one is perfect. And it is possible for someone to love you in spite of your weaknesses. Don't give up."
posted at 17:00:40 on November 19, 2012 by G1rlie
She can love you and accept you    
"My husband was addicted to porn. It was definitely a disappointing discovery. Then, I realized my husband isn't perfect, but I am not either. I know God loves me, anyway. And he also lives my husband.

No one is perfect. And it is possible for someone to love you in spite of your weaknesses. Don't give up."
posted at 17:23:10 on November 19, 2012 by G1rlie
She can love you and accept you    
"My husband was addicted to porn. It was definitely a disappointing discovery. Then, I realized my husband isn't perfect, but I am not either. I know God loves me, anyway. And he also lives my husband.

No one is perfect. And it is possible for someone to love you in spite of your weaknesses. Don't give up."
posted at 07:48:42 on November 20, 2012 by G1rlie
She can love you and accept you    
"My husband was addicted to porn. It was definitely a disappointing discovery. Then, I realized my husband isn't perfect, but I am not either. I know God loves me, anyway. And he also lives my husband.

No one is perfect. And it is possible for someone to love you in spite of your weaknesses. Don't give up."
posted at 07:48:52 on November 20, 2012 by G1rlie
She can love you and accept you    
"My husband was addicted to porn. It was definitely a disappointing discovery. Then, I realized my husband isn't perfect, but I am not either. I know God loves me, anyway. And he also lives my husband.

No one is perfect. And it is possible for someone to love you in spite of your weaknesses. Don't give up."
posted at 07:49:10 on November 20, 2012 by G1rlie
She can love you and accept you    
"My husband was addicted to porn. It was definitely a disappointing discovery. Then, I realized my husband isn't perfect, but I am not either. I know God loves me, anyway. And he also lives my husband.

No one is perfect. And it is possible for someone to love you in spite of your weaknesses. Don't give up."
posted at 07:49:18 on November 20, 2012 by G1rlie
thanks    
"Yes fear is the most difficult part and a big obstacle in my recovery journey it is not easy to challenge my brain and all the lie that remain in me but your comments give me hope and courage

I just started this friendship and with this LDS woman and it is great I will see but anyway this is my commitment that I will tell her the truth and not hide anything without taling her all de detail"
posted at 13:55:59 on November 20, 2012 by mike81
Taking my recovery to a higher level    
"I struggled for years trying to overcome a habit of masturbation that later led to a habit of indulging in pornography. On two or three occasions I read "Believing Christ" by Stephen Robinson, and asked the Savior to take away my sinful desires, and he did, for weeks at a time. However, I couldn't figure out how to prolong that miracle. When I found and began attending a daily online LDS 12-step recovery meeting, I found the key. The 12 steps are principles of heart-deep repentance. To repent is to turn to God instead of mortal things. I need to turn to God every day, and reviewing and striving to live the 12 steps each day helps me connect to the Lord and open my heart to receive his inspiration and yes, revelations, to me.

I have learned that I must desire that relationship with God more than anything else in this world. Through attending a daily LDS 12-step meeting online and striving to live the 12 steps, I came to the point of learning for myself that nothing is more sweet than being wrapped in the arms of God's love.

At one time I was bitter because my bishop suggested I not return to the temple (despite having a valid temple recommend) until I had been abstinent from pornography for 6 months, and I had never come close to achieving that length of abstinence for many many years. It was at a time when I was free from temptation and filled daily with the spirit. I wanted so much to continue that, but knew that without something more, I would fall. Indeed, I did a few weeks later, and felt I would never be allowed to return to the temple while that bishop was my bishop.

Then the Lord led me to heart-t-heart.org, an LDS recovery group that holds online recovery meetings every morning, and I began to learn what it took to repent every day. I came to the point of knowing that the Savior is the key -- HE is the source of my recovery. I don't have the power to overcome my addiction -- I have lost that power through past choices. But HE will change my desires when I ask him every day to apply his atoning blood to me. But, I must want it more than anything else in this world.

May you find a deep, daily, meaningful connection with the Lord that will bring you the peace that no matter what you may lose in this life, by staying connected to Him every day, you will be able to be with Him in the eternities. May that peace give you the courage to be honest with those dearest to you, or whom you wish to become dear."
posted at 10:33:47 on November 24, 2012 by KeithH


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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball