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Resentment Roadblock
By g1rlie
1/3/2013 2:25:08 PM
I realize I need to let go and let God, but I'm having so much trouble with resentment...feeling like it is impeding my progress in recovery. Sometimes, to avoid feeling the pain and anger from resentment, I do stupid things that I shouldn't be doing.

The person my resentment is directed towards is Greg, my former affair partner-in-crime. I feel so Angry at him for many things. Not sure how to surrender that rage. Yeah, I realize I can say to God that I surrender it and ask him to help me with it. I'm just wondering if there is more I can do.

There is one idea I have that comes to mind. I'm thinking of writing Greg a letter to air my resentments toward him. After all, in SA, I learned that when air our resentments and bring them to light, they don't have the power over us anymore. This letter--I don't plan on sending it to Greg. I plan on destroying it in a way that is meaningful to me. Therefore, I will burn the letter.

Hey--If anyone has any ideas on how to deal with the whole resentment issue, please let me know. Seriously, I feel that if I can figure this thing out, I can stop doing these stupid things that I've been doing and make some more real progress. Thanks :)

Comments:

Read something...    
"I read something in a book that is helpful to me in overcoming resentment: Wounded people wound people. They are not monsters, but broken. They need the Atonement just as much as we do.

,Also, I realized today that I need to do things out of motivation of love for my Savior becausr of what he has done for me instead of doing things for self-serving reasons."
posted at 06:35:09 on January 5, 2013 by G1rlie
-    
"What helps me with resentment towards people is praying for them. I would pray that this man would see his awful state that he is presently in and desire to turn towards God and away from his sin."
posted at 00:05:06 on January 6, 2013 by Anonymous
Unclean Spirits    
"I still believe that you may have an unclean spirit in you. Especially if the blessing your husband gave you did not specifically cast it out. Half of all the miracles performed by the Saviour involved casting them out. The priesthood holder is required to specifically address the unclean spirit and command it to leave in the name of Jesus Christ.

I also feel that your husband may be too emotionally involved (hurt) to be the one to cast out the spirit. He is hurting badly and would not want you to put the responsibility for what you have done completely on an unclean spirit. Remember that your actions invited it in.

However I do know what they’re capable of and they make the compulsions almost impossible to bear. When and if you have an unclean spirit cast out of you it is so important to be as humble and honest as you can be. As they work with your weaknesses like: male attention seeking, clothing, flirting, bringing attention to yourself even through little things like email addresses and blog names, exaggeration and minimization.

Your blog name Girlie brings negative attention to you because that name is associated with porn magazines and movies. Sorry for being so blunt. Unless you are willing to rid yourself of these bad habits and the need for male attention, no one will be able to cast the unclean spirit(s) out of you. If it is cast out and you don’t change these things, it will come back with its friends and your situation will be much worse."
posted at 03:58:18 on January 7, 2013 by Aussie
Well, how am I supposed to know about porn stuff    
"When I have nothing to do with porn? I don't do the whole porn thing. But I do realize it is a problem for womrn also."
posted at 04:20:04 on January 7, 2013 by G1rlie
Well, how am I supposed to know about porn stuff    
"When I have nothing to do with porn? I don't do the whole porn thing. But I do realize it is a problem for womrn also."
posted at 04:20:33 on January 7, 2013 by G1rlie
For anyone else struggling with resentment    
"Apparently, overcoming resentment is a big part of working the steps. In addition to attending a number of face-to-face 12-step groups, I've also been attending an online SA group and an online SLAA group. I asked the online groups about how to deal with resentment. One man told me he had the same problem, so his sponsor told him to start working step 4, even though he was only on step 2. I guess step 4 has a resentment table or something.

Another man from SA shared these tips:

There are two methods from the Big Book that I've found to be helpful, plus a couple additional things that work well for me.

Big Book #1 (pg. 67)

Treat the other person as if they were spiritually sick rather than evil. Say this prayer (which I adapted from the one in the BB) every time the resentment comes up: "God, Greg is spiritually sick, just like me. Give me the ability to show him the same compassion, kindness and tolerance that you've given me. Show me how I can be helpful to him, Save me from this anger that fuels my addiction."

Big Book #2 (pg. 552)

Pray for Greg, every day for two weeks. Ask for everything that you want for yourself, to be given to him. Ask for his health, prosperity,and happiness. Do this even if you don't want it for him, and your prayers are only words. Do this, and you will be free.

Personal #1

Don't suppress the anger. Anger doesn't actually go away when I try to ignore it as if it didn't exist. At the same time, don't express it in a way that's going to require an amend. There's a time and place for expressing the anger. Your letter that you'll never send is a great idea, one proposed by Bill W. long ago.

Personal #2

Many times, my anger is a reaction to fear, and if I recognize the fear for what it is and surrender it, the anger goes away. So I try to look for underlying causes.

Personal #3

Acceptance is the key. If I can get to the place where I recognize that everything happening to me is part of God's master plan, and recognize that God is better at running my life than I am, then I can accept the bad things that happen, as opposed to reacting to them with anger and fear. There's a landmark story in the AA Big Book that covers this (see pg. 416), and it has transformed my life."
posted at 05:10:38 on January 7, 2013 by g1rlie
I did not say that you were into porn    
"It is obvious that you have had an affair that may have lasted for a while? Unclean spirits do not descriminate they use similar tools which I have mentioned in my last blog. A lot of people that are into porn but havent actually physically commited aldultery like my husband, think that they have not commited half the sin as what physically commiting adultery would be??

My husband asked me to look up 'Girlie' on google search and it came up with being associated with porn star names and magazines? So I am sorry if I have offended you but there are many women out there feeding mens addictions by their blog names, clothing, flirting and mannerisms. Even within our church!

This is why I encouraged you to be as humble and honest as you can be. I know that the more humble someone can be the more in tune with the spirit they will be. I also know that the more in tune with the spirit you become the more you will understand that what I am saying is true. True humility can and will expel resentment.

I truly wish you every success in you journey and pray that you and your family will find the strength, courage and love required to receive Celestial Glory!"
posted at 19:24:02 on January 7, 2013 by Aussie
Whatever    
"I had no idea of the association between "Girlie" and porn. So there."
posted at 19:38:04 on January 7, 2013 by g1rlie
Girlie,    
"Keep "GIRLIE"!
Maybe it's associated with porn 'down unda' but not here.

Aussie,
Maybe you should take your own advice and humble yourself. Your pride is so thick it is impossible to hear what you are trying to say. You and your husband are so preoccupied with unclean spirits. I think you might want to go back to your bishop because apparently he missed a few."
posted at 20:20:16 on January 7, 2013 by Anonymous
...    
"I blogged this blog seeking answers on surrendering resentment. Now, I am feeling more resentment because it appears there is some strange woman who is not an addict and really knows nothing about me is here judging me. Not helpful for recovery. It makes this environment for sharing feel unsafe. Please Stop."
posted at 20:22:12 on January 7, 2013 by G1rlie
Girlie    
"I love your name :) I've called my wife and sometimes even my little sister who we took care of Girlie for years as a term of endearment and never had a clue I was calling either of them a whore.

I googled the word and found it was not associated with any porn star but porn. Like girlie mags. You know?, Leave it to Beaver times. But that wasn't all. This was the definition I found:
girl·ie also girl·y (gûrl)
adj. Often Offensive
1. [I just edited this one because we've already heard the basic definition (porn magazines) and no reason to trigger anyone]
2. Weak, timid, or effeminate. Used of men.
girlie ['g??l?], girly
n
a little girl
adj
3. suited to or designed to appeal to young women a girlie night out

So, it has more than one connotation. We can choose what to focus on. I even google imaged it and trust me fella's, nothing to see there. Definitely no porn stars. And mostly just pink wall paper/crafting type stuff for kids. I only point that out and did my own home work because I want the truth. Not just a one sided fanatical/naive angle of the truth.

If it doesn't mean anything to you Girlie then forget about it. No one here thinks anything of it and I have a sneaking suspicion - of course probably because we are all so wicked and "the wicked taketh the truth to hard" - that most people here think Aussie is a little bit of a crackpot with some interesting theories at best. Don't get me wrong Aussie. I know fundamentally you make some fairly air tight arguments as far as I can superficially judge. But I still think you're out of your mind in practical terms. But hey, I celebrate crazy. (Jesus was cuh-razy!) I love fanatical. I invite imperfection. And I'm always open to out of the box idea's. So, you're still in good company in my opinion.

The last thing I don't like about your point Aussie is that it implies you (women) are responsible for my actions. You bewail what women, "even in the church", are doing to feed our addiction but fail to understand that the problem for me and every other addict I've ever known, is not "out there". It's in here *pointing at my head and heart*. No woman should ever bear such a burden, my burden, she has no control over. That is far from serenity. Far from sanity...and don't go off on how you are my keeper. I'll just mock you. Because again, I'm wicked. And the wicked taketh the truth to be hard...okay I probably wont mock you. But I get that we are all one another's keeper. I guess I just don't think we are expected to be codependent about it.

I also know that the more in tune with the spirit you become the more you will understand that what I am saying is true."
posted at 22:53:44 on January 7, 2013 by they_speak
They_Speak    
"Did I ever tell you that you're awesome?"
posted at 05:04:41 on January 8, 2013 by g1rlie
The Truth Cuts the Wicked to the Core    
"Resentment demonstrates a lack of humility. You people having a go at Aussie for her bluntness reminds me of what Laman and Lemuel did when confronted by Nephi.

And now it came to pass that after I, Nephi, had made an end of speaking to my brethren, behold they said unto me: Thou hast declared unto us hard things, more than we are able to bear.
And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken hard things against the wicked, according to the truth; and the righteous have I justified, and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day; wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center.
1 Nephi 16:1-2

Like you said, They Speak, the Savior was considered a crazy because his ideas were totally not typical. The prophets of today have to pussyfoot around about telling the truth because it's too hard to bear. People in the church need things sugar coated or fluffed, or whatever. Aussie simply cut to the heart of the matter.

As for taking responsibility for your own addiction, I didn't get the impression that Aussie was blaming anyone else for another person's problem. What I think she was trying to say was that the way women dress contributes to the problem. Just because your are covered in clothes does not mean you are dressed modestly. As men, we also contribute to the problem by looking at inappropriately dressed women. The fashion industry needs to be gutted, but people are so taken in by the world. If you will recall, when the Savior appeared to the Nephites, he came down in a loose white robe. A good example for us all.

I also quesitoned the handle, "Girlie." My impression when I saw the name was that she was trying to draw attention to herself. I would not say she did it consicously, but it does draw attention. Because of my own addiction, my first impression was "girlie magazine." Not exactly the best handle for a sex addiction blog.

The assumption that Aussie lacks humility or not being in tune with the Spirit is an assumption based on no evidence. The "down unda" comment made by Anonymous was stupid beyond belief. Once again, I refer to Laman and Lemuel. I've been an addict my whole life and every time someone was blunt in their condemnation of my lack of humility, I became resentful because the truth cut to the core.

Her comments on unclean spirits have that ring of truth. If the Savior spent half of his time performing miracles involving casting out unclean spirits, maybe it's the same today. While these spirits cannot make you do something, they probably can compund your problem. Without question, you are ultimately responsible for all your own actions, but what I think Aussie has been saying is that these spirits are contributing factors.

Sure, maybe Aussie could have been more diplomatic, but it doesn't detract from the truth. The truth hurts only those who lack humility."
posted at 07:49:43 on January 8, 2013 by Anonymous
Aussie,    
"I don't like the images that the handle "Aussie" connotes. When I think of Australia I think beautiful women in bikinis. (and Dingos) Please change your screen name so I am not bombarded with temptation.
Thank you!"
posted at 15:03:34 on January 8, 2013 by Anonymous
Mr. Anonymous (kick it?)    
"I already beat you to the wicked taketh the truth to be hard scripture. Find your own Scriptures to fit your perspective. You wanna know what the difference is between you guys and the prophets and Nephi and Jesus or Girlies bishop? You're not."
posted at 16:06:30 on January 8, 2013 by they_speak
...also    
"settle down with your dumb declarations of "truth". I showed that Aussie was only pointing out half truths and given she's not Girlies Bishop or mom I'm not sure she's in any position to claim the "truth" of what Girlies intention is with the use of her user name.

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods." ~ Albert Einstein"
posted at 16:15:29 on January 8, 2013 by they_speak
Anon and Aussie    
"Way to go in reproving when lked by the spirit. Not sure by what spirit, but it sure isn't the Spirit of God..."
posted at 19:44:03 on January 8, 2013 by Anonymous


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"I have come to know that thoughts, like water, will stay on course if we make a place for them to go. Otherwise, our thoughts follow the course of least resistance, always seeking the lower levels. Probably the greatest challenge and the most difficult thing you will face in mortal life is to learn to control your thoughts. In the Bible it says, as a man ‘thinketh in his heart, so is he’ (Prov. 23:7). One who can control his thoughts has conquered himself. As you learn to control your thoughts, you can overcome habits, even degrading personal habits. You can gain courage, conquer fear, and have a happy life. "

— Boyd K. Packer

BYU, Speeches of the Year, 26 Sept. 1967