Print
Figuring it out....
By g1rlie
1/13/2013 8:49:54 AM
Been trying to figure out how to move past the resentment when I read the answer in the White Book. I read that under the surface, I, the sexaholic, was seething with rage and resentment. This is true. My attitude towards these things is what created my predisposition to addiction. And I remembered an article I read somewhere once about how psychiatrists were doing medical experiments on soldiers to make them forget what they went through on the battlefield. They were able to make them forget, yet since these people hadn't been able to work through their issues, the issues manifested themselves in some weird and freaky ways. So I wondered--was my decision to Not deal with my issues (which have been many) partially what caused my predisposition to addiction? Maybe because I chose not to deal, but to medicate. At one time, I medicated with prescription drugs--my favorite was Klonopin. This made me feel like everything was okay--except it wasn't. Then I chose lust to medicate. And lust feels much better than medication. For real. So, I ask myself, did my lack of working through my issues manifest itself in my addiction? Not sure. Maybe.

Once I figured this stuff out, and I filled out some resentment info for Step 4, I realized that my resentment, most of which is directed toward my former affair partner, Greg, is probably my was of choosing to look at the faults of someone else instead of my own weaknesses/character defects. Once I realized this, I started to feel extremely bad for being so mean to Greg on so many occasions in attempt to get him out of my life. I mean, I have really hurt that man. I'm wondering if I need to make restitution to him and how I would go about doing that. Gonna do some research. And gonna pray to HF for help.

At the same time, I'm still trying to make restitution to my husband. I realize that God's will for me is to fulfill the measure of my creation. And I to do that, I need to be the best wife and mother I can be. Trying to be the best wife I can be. Still, my heart feels for Greg, though. Can't just turn my feelings off like a light switch.

Comments:

If you stomp a snake    
"...you can feel bad. But you don't try nursing a snake back to health. Stay as far away from that murderer as possible. Don't be a fool.

Can I ask you a question Girlie? Why do you rarely talk about your husband? It's hard for me to believe you don't have very serious issues there..? On the subject of unresolved issues manifesting in weird ways just by observing I'd say the issues that you're failing to resolve are not the one's you have with that snake but the one's you have with your husband. At least they seem to be the one's you avoid talking about. And I do mean avoid. Quite literally. Read your last paragraph. You quickly seize the opportunity to get aways from the subject of your husband and back to the subject of Gag, I mean Greg. And the only thing you can really give to the subject of your husband is platitudes of duty and purpose. Or it seems that way. Maybe Greg and even your resentments toward him is just another distraction from what's really hurting? I could be wrong. Just a thought. Good luck sista."
posted at 14:17:12 on January 13, 2013 by they_speak
Yeah    
"There are issues in my marriage. I just don't wanna talk about them. I am definitely working on those:). Husband doesn't want me to talk about it. He seems to blame himself for my issues and has expressed concern about me saying contrary stuff about him in my recovery groups. So, out of respect for him, and to not cause him further pain, I am not saying much about that stuff. It's probably my fault, anyways, for not being patient enough with him and for not having enough charity towards him. It has been extremely challenging, though. Since my affair, many of those issues have gone away, somehow, though. Stuff got fixed that needed to be fixed.

Yeah, I do need to stay far away from Greg. Truth. I need him entirely Out of my life."
posted at 15:23:50 on January 13, 2013 by G1rlie
Maybe I will indirectly say something....    
"To help mysrlf work through the resentment to my hubs....

One night I was listening to a radio talk show. The host was talking about how he visited the Grand Canyon. He noticed something disturbing about the largely Native American community there. He noticed that the women ran the shops there, were the police officers there, and that they were mostly the sole providers for their families. The men, as the host said, were mostly at home, drunk.

The radio host pointed out that this phenomena he observed in this Native American community is also happening all over the country, except for the "drink" that is incapacitating the men is not always alcohol. It is also video games, sports, and porn. The men are, too often, distracted too much to help their families and the women must be the sole providers. It's like Juvenal of ancient Rome said, ""
posted at 16:43:54 on January 13, 2013 by G1rlie
...continued....    
""The people that once bestowed commands, consulships, legions, and all else, now concerns itself no more, and longs eagerly for just two things - bread and circuses!" Yes, I have my own bread and circuses...like my addiction.

I got through his porn issue by realizing that I am also imperfect and so why should I be angry at my husband for also being imperfect. That, and I do anti-porn activism sometimes.

Still...

It seemed nearly impossible for me to be able to support my family financially all by myself. It seemed to not matter what amount of money I earned, I could not do it. It was impossible. But when he helps me, which he has had difficulty doing, things are okay. I couldn't understand why he chose to play video games as much as a full-time job, but he didn't seem to really be trying to have a job. It was difficult.

Okay, so maybe I directly said it. :/ Working those issues. But I figure it's my fault because I couldn't inspire him. After all, isn't it said that behind every great man is a great woman? Therefore, my fault."
posted at 16:53:24 on January 13, 2013 by g1rlie
thank you for sharing    
"That needed to be said to help us relate to what you're dealing with."
posted at 18:49:43 on January 13, 2013 by beclean


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"

— David O. McKay