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mint
By mint
3/11/2013 10:56:16 PM
im mint. I am going for mint questions and mint answers. ive been reading a lot of these blogs. theyre interesting. you guys seem to pat each other on the backs and make each other feel better. thats pretty bice especially when we are feeling down.

but, do you guys think you may be too nice? its like when i think of my friends, i tell them a problem and they're like, that's cool bro hopefully you get better. but then i tell a problem to my really good friends, the ones that care about me and know me well, sits down and listens to my struggles. he might give me advice on a few things but never quotes any scriptures or any of that. and at the end, he gives it to me straight. he would say, i love you man, but the direction your heading and at the pace your going, your not going to make it. the goals you have will not be met and the hopes you have will fade away. he'd say, your not taking this serious.

those words lunched me in the gut, whenever he would give me a reality check. but, he did more for me than any of the friends that simply said "that's alrigt man, chin up! lifes good, you have time, we all know what you feel like, etc..."

although those friends made me feel better, i they didnt really help me. the reason i wrote all of that is, i get the feeling that a lot of us here are just the decent friends that comfort us but dont give each other the straight talk we need. the kind of talk that says, if you keep messing up like you are and dont take this more serious, you are going to lose: your spouse, your kids, your job, your testimony, your life, your chance in the celestial kingdom. in my mind, that's a friend because they're truly helping.

i hope we can all do this. Of course comfort is good, but being a true friend could help us more in the end.

let me know if i sound like a troll, not my intention.

Comments:

Too nice    
"You don't sound like a "troll." You sound earnest.

But I think you missed all the best blogs. There are a lot of people on these blogs who aren't "too nice." :) In fact, there are several who are just plain rude and mean. They usually go by the name "Anonymous," but sometimes I can say something mean, too.

Welcome. What's your story?"
posted at 10:39:53 on March 12, 2013 by BeClean
but I LOVE MINT ANYTHING OF FOOD!!!!;)    
"i KNOW mint food can comfort me instead of addiction at times as a replacement.;) Sometimes a friend who comforts me is all I need when I'm having a bad day....I like honesty but I already know what I'm doing that wrong. Don't need anyone more getting after me and making me feel more bad. Positive and encouraging words and LOVE is the most Powerful I feel to help others do right. And ya, what your story?"
posted at 10:56:16 on March 12, 2013 by marie sober
Yes    
"There are some amazing blogs on here. Stories that are written. I wonder where those people are today!

My story: I guess all I can say is I'm a porn addict.

To Marie Sober: Ya I understand what you mean. But a lot of people really do wrote here for advice and end up just getting encouragement and sometimes that can be frustrating. I'm going to try helping people where I actually try to understand what they're saying and give tips. I'll try to keep too much emotion out because there's plenty of that going around and I think I'm bad at expressing myself. If you could, I think it'd be great if you pit up "dont want any tough advice" or something. I do t want to straight talk anyone who doesn't want it. What good does that do."
posted at 01:42:34 on March 14, 2013 by mint
give tips    
"Perhaps others give encouragement instead of pointed "tips," because they don't feel qualified to give other people tips and tell others where they are messing up. Do you feel qualified to tell others how to overcome their problems? If so, what qualifies you?"
posted at 07:52:02 on March 14, 2013 by beclean
Be clean...    
"And what qualifies you? You are never short on advice."
posted at 10:07:04 on March 14, 2013 by Anonymous
Anonymous...    
"I am not qualified. I never claimed to be qualified. And I never claimed to not give tips or advice. And I never claimed "I'm going to...give tips."

I'm just wondering why Mint thinks we're all doing this encouragement/tips thing wrong, and I'm wondering where he's coming from.

Sorry for wondering."
posted at 17:25:25 on March 14, 2013 by beclean
Sheeesh, Bro...    
"I was just givin' your balls a little flick. No need to get testy. I thought maybe you were subconsciously asking for some anonymous love."
posted at 19:36:15 on March 14, 2013 by Anonymous
oh, right    
"We all love Anonymous addicts givin' our balls a flick every now and then. especially beclean.

Actually Sounds pretty perverted to me"
posted at 23:36:32 on March 14, 2013 by Anonymous
Lol I actually laughed.    
"These anonymous here are funny. On this post anyway.

To BeClean"give tips": Ya, I guess we could assume why people do and don't do a lot of things. Why dont people give tips? I'm not really worried about it honestly, what good does it do to wonder? I guess I could write a separate blog and just ask "Why don't you guys give tips?" But I feel like nobody will reply.

But to your qualification question. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not a counselor. I don't have any formal training or piece of paper that says I'm qualified. So I guess you could say I'm not qualified to say anything on this unofficial addiction site where Mormons talk about their problems. I didnt know you needed to be qualified, if so I'll contact the admin and have him begin a registration process for verification of qualification.

Ok I'm done with the jokes. I dont think anyone has to be qualified to give advice. I think you can give valuable information if you have experience, good thinking capabilities, an understanding heart, the skill of communication, etc. My point in this blog is I wish we helped each other out more with tangible advice instead of it always being comfort words. I think that's nice at first, but a few years into addiction it seems to become a lifestyle....and who wants that."
posted at 23:56:13 on March 14, 2013 by mint
Mint    
"You remind me of a young cat that used to be on here. If you're him (and you may not be) welcome back to the party :)

Otherwise, this blog is retarded. Just kidding. I was just trying not to be so nice. The truth is I think losing everything in addiction and other little nuggets of justice are all a forgone conclusion. I don't see what good reiterating the already obvious and accepted will do?"
posted at 02:00:26 on March 15, 2013 by they_speak
Mint,    
"I guess we're different because as soon as a "friend" starts giving me advice or telling me what I NEED to do, I tune that person out. I don't need advice. I already know what I am SUPPOSED to do. I do need support. That is the nature of 12 Step programs, really. Ideally, we don't give each other advice. We make suggestions or share our experience to give a different perspective and this has a better chance at being received. Everyone has been giving me advice my entire life and it has never changed my behavior. Maybe it's pride but I don't like people telling me what to do. Maybe some people like that approach."
posted at 06:26:25 on March 15, 2013 by Anonymous
@ANONYMOUS. AMEN ON YOUR LAST POST!    
"Ya, I will tell you I have had many many many rock bottom obvious stories that when others hear my story , they would think why crap won't I get it BUT I don't or care at moment many times....I need to feel the Spirit from my Higher Power and that what the key for me to care! I do know He goes through others to help me. I do like others opinions..but I again know what right and wrong. I though however get encourage hearing other stories of what help them in recovery and how they got sober and i see and they say how much happier they are. That is Power to me. Hearing what helped addict and how they overcome it....
Mint, If I gave you the obvious advice it wouldn't help. You would know and not be encourage. I would just say if your addict porn addict-you want me tell you "don't look at porn than!" ..That encourage you? lol. I could however tell you what helped me. ...I'm also a porn addict sex addict etc....anything with lust of beauty of people....period. But I've learned by God to see them in Christlike ways.....that is the biggest keys. If someone is triggering me, I pray for them. I'm praying alot these days and I'm keeping sober. Yes, I have filter on my computer...I can use the password to get on anything BUT obvious porn advertisment that pops up is NOT good for me...So filter has that keep those bootys away out of my sight. Plus meetings of 12 step, contacting anyone from meetings if I'm struggling, Prayer biggest thing!
But best of best is keeping myself doing something fun spontaneously anytime I want if it healthy....And focus on negative and consequence of addiction. I hate carrying the secret of dirt in me....SO good feeling feeling good in the inside."
posted at 18:03:58 on March 15, 2013 by marie sober
I'm hungry    
"Think I'll make myself a sandwich...

To theyspeak: Well I guess this lost is about two different things. Being a friend and giving it straight on how serious what we're doing is. And the other would be giving tips/advice on how to go about the addiction. I dont think those two have anything to do with giving "obvious" advice. I don't think I ever suggested that. Sometimes we are in a rut so long and go through our steps and fall then start over, and over, and over, that we forget how serious our actions are. If you guys never feel that way, than oops. But I know I have sometimes just forgotten how serious porn is.
The other part is giving tips. Dont stay up late, get a safety software, try a different method of scriputee study. I dont know the tips /advice are endless because i think all of us have valuable experience because some of us have been there. That's all I'm saying. II just think sometimes this site focuses too much on comfort and "Do better next time" stuff. But if that's all you want than it would be cool if you wrote that in the post.

To anon: No offense but when you say "I don't need advice. I already know what I am SUPPOSED to do" it does sound prideful. But if you dont want advice that's fine. BUT, I've seen a lot of post where people are asking for real tangible advice. Things they could get help on in their daily lives, just tips I guess and it they dont always get that type of advice. It can be very generic and "obvious" things that people say and they want more.

To Marie: I think hearing other people's stories is extremely helpful. Sometimes we think we're the only ones with our "dark" problems but there are a lot of other people just like us. And simply hearing other people say those things helps a lot.
But the simple truth is, this isn't an official addiction recovery site. The things people say on hear, and I dont mean the stories, are atypical. Mean things and strange things. The biggest thing is we're not face to face. This allows some rude junk. So, this can never be like a real AR meeting and those rules dont really apply here.

But all I'm saying is, some people could use some good advice that can help them instead of everyone saying "Good luck. We've all been there but you'll make it" That's nice but I think this site could do more."
posted at 21:20:39 on March 15, 2013 by mint
I knew you sounded familiar    
"Hey man, if you need advice ask for it. I do all the time. Did today. Do I always get it? No. Whatev it's the 90's.

As far as the obvious thing goes - Dude, I was responding to your original post. And as far as I remember (to lazy to reread it) your example of the straight shootin friend was full of the obvious. You can't go adding things to the topic and then act like I'm the moron. But, whateve... its the 90's. I agree it'd be nice if people had good advice and could knock some sense into me sometimes. But maybe the reason they don't is because they don't have any and they can't. I don't know."
posted at 22:16:50 on March 15, 2013 by they_speak
....    
"I did find it interesting that on one hand in your first post you're almost saying we need "Hey buster wake up" type advice but then on the other hand in your second post you almost seem to be asking if Mormons are more addicted because they freak out about it more than most people. Seems contradictory. I don't know maybe I failed to follow"
posted at 22:21:05 on March 15, 2013 by they_speak
Lol    
"You can't tell me that a wake-up call is the same thing as being obvious. It's like an 18 year old Mormon who is smoking now and then, know its wrong but thinks he can't stop to go on a mission. Is he wrong? Not technically, he could stop and go on a mission. But what what if his bishop saw him and then sat down and had a very stern con versation. Then this kid came out of this discussion thinking, wow I knew I was wrong (obviously) yet I kept doing it. But with the bishop telling me the way he did and explaining the way he did, I think I've realized that im really wrong in the way I approached this problem

That's a very basic example where everything seemed to have followed the way I wanted. Does it always happen that way? No. But my point is, being obvious had nothing to do with telling someone that the way their heading, they're probably not gonna make it, or something like that.

Althoug my Posts come from the same brain, they don't necessarily have to all have the same message, like you suggest. My goal is just to investigate topics that may help us understand things. I'm mot saying I have all the answers, I'm hoping you guys can discuss things with me. I guess my problem is I'm strong in my words and people get offended.

But with this example you gave, I guess I'll explain. Here, on this site specifically I think people ae very passive about advice on other people's addictions. As a country, I think that people with high morals are more prone to addiction like pornography because they feel guiltier than the average person. I pointed out Mormons because I believe we have the highest and stricter standards. Hence, Utah having the highest consumption of porn."
posted at 22:44:07 on March 15, 2013 by mint
@mint-your right!    
"I contact my old sponsor asking her about this site-she hates this site.! I found out she use to be on this and she thinks it very very negative and triggering. I never said this is my replacement as ARP mtg...lol....i do find it's kind of helping me say whatever though when I'm bored, lonely and triggering. This site is way safer than porn or sexting a guy.:) way safer."
posted at 22:52:44 on March 15, 2013 by marie sober
@mint again-your wrong I feel on "utah has highest consumption..."..    
";)"
posted at 23:01:22 on March 15, 2013 by marie sober
So by "jumped"    
"you mean people tell it to you like it is? Hmm, wierd."
posted at 23:47:29 on March 15, 2013 by they_speak
•    
"to Marie: I'm not the biggest fan of this site but I think I need to remind myself I have a problem, and I don't how else but here. And Utah does have the highest porn consumption, that's a fact. The highest Mormon population is in utah, that's a fact. My theory on why is just that, a theory.

To Kickit: I think getting jumped is a good way of describing it.

To theyspeak: I dont have a problem with people "telling me how it is." What I have a problem with, and people love to do this here, is when you guys group together and just rag on a person. You can never win like that because its just overwhelming. Idk where the group mentality comes from but it happens a lot. I know you, theyspeak, are probably one of the only ones who tries to be the devil's advocate."
posted at 00:23:55 on March 16, 2013 by mint
Ahhh,    
"the foolishness of youth."
posted at 03:14:59 on March 16, 2013 by Anonymous
Haha    
"@They Speak.....too funny:)"
posted at 03:50:08 on March 16, 2013 by G1rlie


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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball