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Seeing things as they Could be, plus gaining self confidence
By g1rlie
3/19/2013 12:44:03 PM
Really, Really Dumb that I am still struggling with this stupid problem....Sheesh.

Sometimes I'm not sure how to get to where I need to be, but I'm gonna keep on truckin' and hope that I get it right if I keep working at it...

Still struggling. Missing him, and since I've struggled with maintaining no contact with him, I realize by talking to him via email that he wants me to get a secret phone so we can talk, and he still wants to see me. This makes it really difficult. If he just didn't want anything to do with me, this would be simpler. But this isn't the case, so I need to willfully break things all of the way off on my own (with God's help), and this is one of the hardest things I've ever needed to do.

Anyways, after listening to a General Conference talk, I thought that maybe if/when I think of Greg, instead of thinking of him the way I've been accustomed to thinking of him, maybe I should think of him as the man he should and could be. Maybe I should picture him smiling and wearing a suit and tie, happy, believing in God and Jesus Christ, a man who is dedicated to serving God for the rest of his days. With me in his life, doing these things that are contrary to God's will, I realize Greg will not find true happiness. He will suffer. I will suffer, also. And that is not all....Others will also suffer.

Realizing:

-It is unhealthy to think of him very much, so gotta work on thinking of other, more productive things and staying busy.
-It is not my place to get him to where he should be, but it is my goal to not enable him to go down the path to misery any more. And when I have Any contact with him, I am enabling this.
-I need to focus on myself and my own recovery and doing God's will for me, which I feel is to be a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children. Maybe I'm not as good a wife as I should be, but I'm working on it.
-Eventually, I'd like to think of him very rarely and in passing, feeling no strong feelings for him.

Also, struggling with self confidence....believing that I can overcome this. Many years ago, when I was dating my husband, we were acting out. I Really wanted to stop, but found that I could not. I was powerless. Since I could not stop, I wanted to break up with him, but I couldn't do that, either. Glad I couldn't break up with him, because I'd have really missed out on a good husband.

But....

The problem is, I couldn't stop back then, so it's hard for me to believe in myself that I am actually capable of stopping.

Hoping God helps me stop, and helps me find the confidence in myself that I can stop with His help.

Somehow, I feel self confidence is a big key for me here. Not sure, though.

The other really dumb thing is...sometimes I feel suicidal over this...over my inability to stop. Sometimes, I feel like maybe this is the best solution. Okay, a lot of times. But, I realize it is the stupidest solution. I realize there is a solution and these horrible feelings are not from God. And with His help, I can overcome all of my weaknesses.

Comments:

I believe in you    
"youre doing good. realization is a good step!!!! alot of people dont have that...

The suicide thing is a serious matter & that u suggested it makes me speak to you. Please ensure you have a "recovery plan" what do when you start slipping...a plan is so important. I know this from personal experience.

keep pressing forward + getting back up"
posted at 17:06:34 on March 19, 2013 by skyteamst90
Today I was given a reminder..    
"When walking on water, if you break Faith, your wet!

You are wise to identify where the feelings come from, please don't forget you always have a Choice. Sin = Self Imposed Nonsense."
posted at 01:07:03 on March 20, 2013 by Anonymous
Today I was given a reminder..    
"When walking on water, if you break Faith, your wet!

You are wise to identify where the feelings come from, please don't forget you always have a Choice. Sin = Self Imposed Nonsense."
posted at 08:39:53 on March 20, 2013 by Anonymous
Today    
"Planned on getting that secret phone today. But lost my wallet. Went back to my house to look for it. Found it. Then felt really ill and extremely void of energy, so unable to go to the store.

Did God "take away my difficulties, that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life"? (Third step prayer...been saying that one a lot')"
posted at 11:37:00 on March 20, 2013 by G1rlie
Shake at the appearance of sin    
""O Lord, Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?"

http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/4.31#30

Keep it up, G1rlie"
posted at 12:45:54 on March 20, 2013 by beclean
@BeClean    
"Ya, that's a good scripture. Thanks:)

I don't deserve God's help. But I feel he is helping me, anyways."
posted at 14:09:06 on March 20, 2013 by g1rlie
I assume you have a sponsor to call when you are tempted to buy a secret phone?    
"I need to keep secrets away. I call my sponsor. Tell my spouse. I feel dumb telling the silly little secrets but it sure helps.

you can make it!"
posted at 14:51:26 on March 20, 2013 by Anonymous
Yeah    
"I texted him. (sponsor) He didn't respond, but bringing the temptation to light was helpful, anyways."
posted at 09:22:37 on March 21, 2013 by g1rlie
so glad you didn't get a secret phone!    
"You remind me a couple of years ago. I got quite a bit of secret phones and then I feel guilty, get caught, etc....It will come to pass. Just knowing that Greg is your poisen!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poisen literally makes us sick and die. Think of your kids, and how sick Greg is. Stay away as far away from him. I want my girlie friend!!!!! YOur inspiration. What advice would you give me if I was in your same shoes? I did in the past have a boyfriend I was quite obsess with but I hardly don't think about him now and NEVER miss or tempted by him. YAE! Feelings you have now for greg will pass. ...I'm shocked now I even liked a guy like that. I was just intrigue by his craziness and love the fact I could be codependant with him. It was self confidence to know I'm a lil more with it than him cuz I felt SO low about myself. One sponsor said to me that worked for her is to look in the mirror everyday and what you hate about your self-opposite that with good. Even if you don't believe it, just say it every day. She had insecurity she was ugly so she looked in the mirror everyday and said she beautiful. She started to feel good about herself. I decided I would try it. I felt a total slut so I looked in the mirror and I know I would lying but still try it and say "i have virtue"...It started working kind of. It did feel weird so I stop...lol ...but maybe you could try it cuz it worked for alot of people..."
posted at 12:04:57 on March 21, 2013 by marie sober
meant to spell it correctly-poisOn.    
"drinking poison would taste disgusting btw...;)"
posted at 12:06:49 on March 21, 2013 by marie sober
@Marie    
"Wow. I will try that mirror thing. It sounds REALLY difficult, though. Argh! If it worked for you, maybe it will work for me :) Thanks :)"
posted at 13:37:16 on March 21, 2013 by g1rlie
These are the battles    
"That encompass the war, congratulations on your victory! It is heartening to hear you applied the Atonement to overcome another trap.

Psalm 71:1 In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion."
posted at 14:50:49 on March 21, 2013 by Anonymous
ah:/    
"I didn't really do the mirror thing. Just heard a girl with long sobriety mention it. I tried it for a week. It slowly work a lil but I forgot and didn't keep up. Obviously it didn't work cuz I didn't really do it cuz I kept up my addiction for awhile .....:("
posted at 15:49:26 on March 21, 2013 by marie sober
Made it a week...    
"With no contact. Kept my email deactivated. Mostly, I've felt better than I feel when in contact with him...physically stronger, spiritually stronger, emotionally stronger....plus I sleep better. But there are moments....moments when I feel I will maybe die if I cannot hear his voice again. Then I wake up....

We came...
We Came To...
We Came To Believe....
...a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity...

Doing LOTS of surrender...prayers...contacting others who are seeking recovery...reading scriptures...listening to General Conference....getting priesthood blessings.

Getting there slowly, but surely...."
posted at 13:15:33 on March 26, 2013 by g1rlie
Girlie...    
"A suggestion, when things get down to the wire, don't text your sponsor, call him. If he doesn't answer, call the next number on your support list until you get a live person.

You ROCK!!!"
posted at 22:51:48 on March 26, 2013 by Anonymous
Agreed!    
"Text, for me - as you may remember I mentioned at the Saturday meeting, can be a cop out. I can text and still stay isolated. But calling...uhg, harder to believe my own bull crap when there is a real time persons voice on the other end.

Thanks anonymous. I need that advice too."
posted at 22:58:08 on March 26, 2013 by they_speak
Argh    
"Yeah, I guess texting is a cop out (Thank you Anon and They Speak). Maybe all y'all are right :) @They Speak--Hmmmm...I'd never thought of it that way, you know, like calling makes it harder for me to believe my own bs :) It makes sense. :)"
posted at 08:54:12 on March 27, 2013 by g1rlie
I'm SO PROUD OF YOU THAT YOU KEPT YOUR EMAIL STILL DEACTIVATED...WOOHOO    
"as you know G1rlie I"m having a hard couple of days......and this morning I just told myself give in to my temptation. But getting on this site, I'm reminding myself-NO NO NO.....I can't. I'm try to hit a noon mtg today. I'm writing down what you said helped your sobriety for the last week-surrender, pray, contact others seek recovery, read my scriptures, listen to General Conf(good idea-I never do that-I will try that now)(and i love those humble men big time!!!!!) priesthood blessing(maybe I will ask for one-been a long time).(scare to ask but) ......hate that I still struggle with my problem...........embarrsing to ask for help.
btw, I like texting more than talking cuz I feel I can really think of what I believe in. Talking kind of gets me distracted of my thoughts...But hitting a meeting-get live people.:)"
posted at 11:04:03 on March 28, 2013 by marie sober
like what you said Girlie    
"like what you said "physically stronger, spiritually stronger, emotionally stonger".....and you sleep better. All that super motivating for me cuz it's so true! My weakness of this addiction just makes me weaker weaker, drown to lowest of myself...sinking, etc. When we step AWAY from this addiction and climb out of our deep hole-we of course get stronger! I love the word strong. Stong in our afflictions. Strong is a very cool word to be. Thank you for your example Girlie and inspiration again.:)"
posted at 11:10:27 on March 28, 2013 by marie sober
Aw, thanks :)    
"@Marie It's not easy....cutting him out of my life. But it's like I had a bad allergic reaction to contact with him last time...and to trying to get a secret phone.

Yeah, General Conference helps so much. I can't even tell you how much it helps, because it is a lot. At least for me. And yeah, it can be scary to ask for a blessing. But it is so worth it. I hope your today goes better than yesterday. You are in my prayers. <3

Yah, sometimes, exercise just is a deterrent for acting out just for the hour or two that I'm exercising. Sometimes, for me, it's not much more than a couple of hours of sobriety. I dunno. It also helps my mood and stuff, also. I'm excited that you run. I love running :) Yay :)"
posted at 11:12:08 on March 28, 2013 by g1rlie
Made it 2 weeks.    
"It's a miracle. But at the same time, it is TORTURE!!!

On the positive, I am keeping the commandments. Because I am doing this, I feel that I have His Spirit with me.

Still missing him BADLY.....But having any contact or anything with him is no longer bringing me any sort of relief to this pain. It just makes it worse. So, how can I go back? It would be too painful, it seems..."
posted at 18:23:11 on April 1, 2013 by g1rlie


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"The Savior teaches that we will have tribulation in the world, but we should "be of good cheer" because He has "overcome the world". His Atonement reaches and is powerful enough not only to pay the price for sin but also to heal every mortal affliction… He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan in His parable, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He binds up our wounds and cares for us. Brothers and sisters, the healing power of His Atonement is for you, for us, for all. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference October 2006