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By I.am.neese
7/2/2015 11:53:12 AM
Honestly, I hate being back here - only because to me, it means that I still have a problem. In saying that, I am grateful for this site because I have received so much love and support from people I don't even know, people I haven't even met or know personally, but from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

I am still struggling with pornography. It sucks. I have tried so hard, but I feel like I've run out of will power. I'm so drained physically, mentally and spiritually. I feel like nothing inspires me any more. I feel that in this cause I am alone - I've indulged in so much pornography, the Holy Ghost is not going to stick around and even though I have such a great support network in friends and family, I still feel very much alone.

I don't bother to pray any more, because even when I do, I feel like it means nothing, because why would Heavenly Father want to listen to a broken record?

Tonight, I was in institute and we were broken into groups and given sections to study and then to share with the whole class. People were saying things and giving feedback and sharing doctrines, but nothing sunk in, I could hear everything but had no understanding. Then it was my groups turn and I literally palmed it off to someone else. Now that may not seem like much to people but the thing is is that I'm never like this, I am confident in speaking in front of my class but tonight when it came to my turn, everything that I had studied just 5 minutes ago, had gone, I had nothing.
Surely this is one of the consequences of my actions :( I'm not in tune with anything.

I don't wish this addiction on anyone - not even on people that don't like me. It really does harm the spirit, it warps how you look at others, how you look at yourself. It destroys the idea of what true love really is and gives unrealistic expectations of sex.

I've wanted so much to go inactive or even go to the next extreme and give up on my life but there's always a part of me that says "NO!"

Why me?

Comments:

Don't give up    
"All the negativity you describe comes from one source and one source only. And it sounds like you know this. Heavenly Father and the Saviour NEVER tell us it's too late. The first step in battling addiction is recognising that it's unmanageable - that you cannot handle it alone. Turn to Him. If you slip and fall, get right back up and reach out for Him again. As long as you keep on trying, He will stand by you with outstretched arms. Satan is the one who wants us to think it's too late.
One thing I've realised with addiction, is that all we can do are the little things that daily build up our armour; praying (true, sincere prayer, not just rote ones that roll off the tongue and are forgotten about as soon as we say amen), scripture study (actual study, trying to learn and apply it to our own lives), serving others, obedience to the commandments...each of these polishes our armour a little bit more. But we still can't do it alone. We then have to hand it over to Him; to reach out and plea with Him 'I can't do this alone. Please help me!'
Sometimes it may seem that He is silent. But He is always there, ready to help. We just have to show Him a willing, broken heart.

Sorry if that sounds like preaching. I'm sure it's nothing you don't already know, but sometimes we need reminding. Don't ever give up!"
posted at 20:19:02 on July 2, 2015 by Anonymous
some words of my experience    
"I amneese I am sorry to hear of your despair about your struggles. Please know that you are not alone as far as the negative feelings go. Somethign I learned when I began the program of recovery was that this challenge and probably most of our challenges involve the aspects of spiritual, physical and emotional. If I address all three I can begin to make progress, ignore one of those areas and i begin to feel sorry for myself and am soon for a lost battle. I wish I had some wish council to help you or make it go away. Something I would suggest, if you are interested in getting help is Tony Litster's program, I can't rember what it is called I think BeClean suggested it too me last year and it was really great. i would also suggest an SA program if you are wanting help. I found a great deal of help through knowing that there other people with my challenges and that I was not alone. It didn't take away the tempation but it did help me not feel like I was isolated which was the major challenge of my addiction. Hope this helps and keep coming back!"
posted at 04:29:12 on July 3, 2015 by sjanderson1


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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006