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Six months
By Humbled32
7/26/2015 6:36:08 AM
So, my husband said it's been six months of sobriety from his addiction. We have been going to counciling for the same amount of time. The last time I ended up seeing the counselor solo and he basically told me he is perplexed. He doesn't understand why things are not improving. He says it feels like something is off but he defiantly doesn't want to go on a witch hunt. So today, I was bothered with a previous mistake of my husband "liking, looking, flirting" with a woman he works with. This morning I told him I was feeling a lot of anxiety and I would like to be able to trust him with my feelings. Basically not getting mad at me for feeling upset. So later in the day I asked him to talk. I pretty much told him I was bothered with this previous action and it's effecting me. He was suddenly mad and upset. Lost his temper. In his mind I can never forget things, he moved on with life, and it turns into he doesn't want to be with me because he doesn't like "how I am" which I really don't even get!! Talking about the past or anything related to his faults seems to be a problem. What do you guys think? Is this outburst a side effect of pornography? Pride? Is he just cold hearted and mean? Any people that struggle with addiction can tell me how they react to their wife being upset? I'm not sure what to do at this point. I feel like I cannot talk about my pain. I cannot heal this way. It almost feels like a game to me. He says you can trust me. Tell me how you're feeling. When I do it tips his anger and he is just mad. I honestly feel like I'm pretty understanding. I'm proud when he does great. I complement him. I try to be supportive. I just feel like I give my all to this and I get no return. It's frustrating. It's so hard not to receive any comfort from him when I need it! Instead I'm left in a worse situation that just having anxiety.

Comments:

I don't want to start a witch hunt either... but...    
"I would say your counsellor is right, that something is off. Obviously, given your husband's reaction! Now that something might be that your husband is simply struggling to come to terms with the damage he's caused in the past, and not yet ready to face it, or it could be something more. Imho, if he is genuinely and honestly working recovery, he will try to understand your need to talk things through, & be open and willing to do so. If you've ever visited the lds addiction recovery blog site, there's one linked through there called 'Dear Addi'. It's by an addict, explaining what an addict needs to do to rebuild their relationship with their spouse. From his own, personal experience. M
If nothing else, your husband should understand that trust takes time to build. You're in my prayers."
posted at 17:18:22 on July 30, 2015 by Anonymous


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"Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"

— David O. McKay