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Here we go again
By swell41
2/11/2009 5:10:30 AM
I've been struggling with addiction for close to at least 25+ years. With a few years here and there clean time. Did the group therapy, individual thing, 12 step groups, 37 months in the joint and nothing seems to work. My so called wife died from this disease, lost my kids when I got locked up.

Now I wrecked my new car and face going back up. I was talking to my girlfriend and she told me that we couldn't be together untill I loved myself as much as I loved her. That's when it hit me. All these years I've been trying to get out of my skin, It's because I don't really love myself. Same with my sister, she's been searching for something her wole life, but escaped this torment.

Every time I relapse its because I dont do the little things, the big things bite me. These days I pray to love myself as God, my family, and friends do. I don't say the addicts prayer "please God get me out of this mess and I'll never use again." It doesn't work. The System or others will do as they see fit.

So once again I'm on a roller coaster of recovery.
Pray for me as I pray for all struggling addicts.

Comments:

Good Luck    
"You're in my prayers. The best time to start recovery is always right now."
posted at 05:57:01 on February 11, 2009 by John Anon
Praying    
"Thank you for your blog, I especially liked your girlfriends honest but sobering advice. I am praying for you to feel good tonight, and know someone else out there has and still is uncomfortable in his skin at times."
posted at 01:53:37 on March 12, 2009 by sobermind
..    
"so many times ive used the addicts prayer never heard it called that but its true so many times i told myself that thru the jail time the inpatient rehabs the outpatient ones the counsling the lock downs the group homes your right it never works He knows whats in your heart He knows when your real He will provide a way as long as you want it for yourself. I have hit my knees more in the past week than i have in my life, and although I may not get an answer or help right away but i have had feelings and i have been calmed the more i pray and work diligently to change my ways the better i feel"
posted at 23:29:57 on October 31, 2010 by NatoshaC
praying    
"hey man i have been there i am young really young but man i know what you mean i hate myself more than anything i have attempted suicide like three times but i am trying to learn to love me the way god does thats what you got to do to man."
posted at 13:30:50 on October 25, 2011 by cwatts18


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"If, through our unrighteous choices, we have lost our footing on that path, we must remember the agency we were given, agency we may choose to exercise again. I speak especially to those overcome by the thick darkness of addiction. If you have fallen into destructive, addictive behaviors, you may feel that you are spiritually in a black hole. As with the real black holes in space, it may seem all but impossible for light to penetrate to where you are. How do you escape? I testify the only way is through the very agency you exercised so valiantly in your premortal life, the agency that the adversary cannot take away without your yielding it to him. "

— Robert D. Hales

General Conference, April 2006